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Following The Yellow Brick Road of Interests

I like to follow my interests around; you know, to see where they go. Sometimes they’re naughty and they get into things better left alone. ;) They are frequently tangential, following a certain kind of logic that makes sense to me . . . and few others. I suppose the reason for that is because in order to understand my line of logic, you have to understand how things make sense to me; and since I don’t learn the same way as most people, learning how something makes sense to me is probably best left alone too.

The worst trouble that this kind of sense making ever got me into was in music history. My teacher was one of those “floaty, never nail it down, working in concepts of higher reasoning” sorts of professors. On one hand, she told us that there was often no right answer that could be nailed down. On the other hand, if you put the wrong answer down on a test, you got counted off. *growls*

Basically, what I do when learning something new, is make connections to the things that I already know. But since I tend to pick up odd/random facts about different subjects, then the things I know tend not to correlate with anyone else’s knowledge anyway. So that’s already one check against me, so to speak.

Here’s the scenario:

Introduction of new knowledge.

Clarification of what has been said.

How it all works together (when I say, I mean all).

  • including other extraneous, possibly seemingly unrelated topics.

Clarification that I have the connections right.

Repeat until clear.

That’s the part that I get into trouble with professors on. They think that when I am clarifying my connections, that what I’m really doing is wasting their time.

Let me see if I can’t think up some kind of example. I could give an equation easily enough, but I think this would be clearer with something a bit more concrete.

Okay, say we’re learning about a particular composer, like say, Percy Grainger. The teacher mentions that he had a few eccentricities. So I say, well like what? One person’s eccentricities are another person’s norm, after all.

So the professor answers with the usual oddities (e.g. - he didn’t like public transport, so he tended to hitchhike a lot; he didn’t like ironing his clothes; he made his own clothes; he had strange eating habits; he possibly had some kind of bizarre mother-son incestuous relationship; he was drawn very much to self-flagellation . . . ).

See, and what I’ll do, in addition to all that’s mentioned above, is get stuck on particular detail of one particular thing or two, like self-flagellation and its parent category–eccentricities. But I tend not to tell the professor what point I’ve gotten stuck on, because to stop the process is to forget the process, is to forget where I am and what I know up to that point. Basically, if I don’t get this connection clear in my head, I’ll forget everything and have to start over. Generally speaking.

“Oh,” I’d probably say (this is imaginary, if you will remember), “so he’s a goth.”

The professor, at this point, will begin to have fantasies about murdering and pillaging the available countryside, starting with one particular student.

“What?!?” The professor would splutter.

“Or well, he could have been a goth; you know, if he had born later.” I say, making allowance for the fact that goths didn’t exist back in the day as we know them to now. Off the top of my head, I’d say that Grainger was born in possibly 1882 (I think), in Australia (I know). Or maybe it was 1883. No, it was definitely ‘82. July, I think.

The professor can now see themselves putting their hands around a certain student’s neck and just squeezing until nothing more is said.

“Why do you say that you think he was a goth?” The professor will ask, through gritted teeth no doubt, stifling the urge to yell out, “What?!? Are you insane???”

“Well, it’s not because of the black or anything.” I say quickly, wanting to clarify my position.

“What black?!?” The professor says, the hand holding the chalk starting to flex and twist (soon the chalk will be broken).

“Well, I’ve not really ever seen much terry cloth, but I don’t imagine it would be black.”

“What???”

“Well, it could be, but that’s not my point. I don’t think he’s goth because of the black. Even though that would clarify it nowadays.”

“Explain.” The professor would say, teeth still gritted, cheeks turning pink.

“Well, back in the day, lots of people wore black. In that sense, he was probably no different. But if he were to be in today’s world and all he wore was black, then that’d be a bigger sign for his gothness.”

Upon catching the looks of everyone around me, I start talking faster, finally realizing that neither the conversation (nor the converser) are going to make it out alive unless I start getting to my point and soon.

“What I’m really thinking about in terms of the goth connection is the self-flagellation.”

The professor looks like she/he is forcing themselves to take very deep, long, sustained breaths. At least that could be an explanation for why the professor is suddenly rolling his/her eyes back in his/her head.

Then, as always, someone else in the class would have to ask what self-flagellation is.

Of course I know. I almost always know the bizarre terms or long vocabulary that no one else knows. This is largely due to the fact that I read a lot, and almost no one else in any of my other classes (especially in high school) ever did/does.

Okay, so think about it. Grainger liked self-flagellation (liked? In the museum he created for himself as to have a place to store his random and often strange collections, he amassed over 65 whips by the time he died. I actually want to say 70, but over 65 is a pretty safe number); he liked the feel of terry cloth, so instead of buying clothes like other people, he just made his own . . . out of terry cloth (but was it black? Who knows); so, he didn’t follow the contemporary sense of fashion (remember, he didn’t like having his clothes ironed either); his was ultimately a gentle spirit, often loaning out money to friends who were in need; he and his mother were certainly an interesting thing (they pushed the boundaries certainly); he expressed himself differently than most (his music was of the boundary pushing/testing variety) . . . so I figure, he could have either been a goth, or he was an aspie. But I would probably not have mentioned that in class, since there are only a handful of profs out there who know what aspies are.

Course, then again, I have the feeling that a lot of goths are probably aspies . . . or is it the other way around? Generally speaking, one of the themes of the goth is the person who has been mistreated by popular culture–and there again is the connection with aspies.

Now, here’s what the teacher should have done; instead of reacting so spasmodically, they should have merely said something along the lines of, “Tell me what factor it is that connects those two worlds for you.” Yeah, I think that would work. I say “think,” because there have been rare few who have been able to make the learning process simple for me, and I haven’t really run into that many who have been able to stay calm and simply ask the right questions. Of course, I know that it’s extraordinarily hard to figure out which questions are the right ones, but I figure that anything is better than wigging out.

I mean, seriously, “What do you mean by that?” Much too broad.

But lastcrazyhorn, you’re the one making up the scenario; what about that?

Yeah, but I’m basing it off of many of the reactions that I’ve personally experienced throughout my life. This is real stuff.

Anyway, so now I can see that I’m completely off-topic from where I wanted to be. I’m just going to have to abruptly segue into the actual intent of what I’m meaning to talk about.

All this is to say that I often am able to find odd connections to things (and really, the example I gave above was pretty mild compared to some of my stranger leaps of logic), that aren’t seen otherwise by “typical” folk.

Now, this is fully demonstrated in my hunt for websites and clues in the Batman: The Dark Knight viral marketing campaign. I went on a trek yesterday that clued me into another four or five websites that I had previously been unaware of. It all started (well, this particular burst of clues did anyways) with an email that I got from Jim Gordon, of the Gotham PD:

My friend,

Indictments are about to be handed down. If you don’t want your name on one, we’ll need your full cooperation in an upcoming operation.

In case you haven’t heard, we are struggling with a bit of corruption in the department. I’m not about to let the Gotham PD collapse in on itself, so we’re taking action. We’ve identified a group of offenders that need to be apprehended. Problem is, most of these cops are hightailing it out of the city. But a C.I. just like you just gave us some information on their last known whereabouts. Now all we need is to catch them. This is where you come in.

Consider yourself on deck. I’ll contact you next week, and let’s just say it’s in your best interest to play along. County’s not a place you want to spend the rest of your life.

Lt. Jim Gordon, MCU

I got this on April 18th, 2008. The last note I got was on April 13th, 2008 (I’m including the years in there for clarity’s sake later on).
Okay, maybe you’re like, what’s the big deal about the note?

Ah, my little friend. *rubs hands together* Muahahahhha. That’s where it starts.

I had a look at the email address: jim.gordon@gpdmcu.com. I thought to myself, “Self, I wonder if that’s a website?”

Soon, I found myself at the Gotham Police Major Crimes Unit homepage. On that site, there is a link to the Gotham Police homepage. You know, you can see a page’s code if you go to View and then click on Page Source. There are three pages of various info on the Gotham Police site. I search through the source material of all three. On one, I found that there was a photograph that had been linked from another site–The Gotham Times site. Now, I had found that site already, but hadn’t looked through it in about a thousand years. There were many articles I scanned, but only two of them actually gave me ideas.

These ideas let me to put certain search terms into Google, and lo and behold, we get two new sites:

The Maiden Avenue Report
Citizens for Batman

Now, I just now noticed something about the Maiden Avenue Report (a site for primarily factitious rumors, I believe). We, in this day and time, have a tendency to zone out when it comes to ads, but I just realized something big about the ads at this site. They’re all Gotham oriented!

Let’s see here; now I’ve got four more sites to check out:

Gotham City Rail
Saint Swithuns Catholic Church
Rossi’s Delicatessen - complete with phone number . . . I wonder where my cell phone has wandered off to?
Gotham Ferry System

Now, the way you can almost always tell which websites are part of the viral marketing loop is this: They don’t have long addresses, and there’s no webmaster/privacy policy yada yada at the bottom of the page.

Anyway, I found a couple of others, but you should be able to see those from my sidebar. I gotta go add these now!

Welcome To Aspie-Land

I recently made a comment on someone’s blog who had just been introduced to aspie-land (this place I and many others now find ourselves). She mentioned some links that she found helpful thus far, but I noticed that a great many of them were just the regular surface standards (ASA and Autism Speaks etc.). So . . . I told her a few more.

Wrong Planet - a forum for people with or related to Asperger’s Syndrome
Autistic Self-Advocacy Network
Tony Attwood’s homepage (his book, “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome” is spot on too)
Benefits of Asperger’s Syndrome
I Think I Pictures, You Teach In Words
A great speech about neurodiversity by Ari Ne’eman
Study skills for those on the spectrum (directed towards university students, but certain things should still apply for everyone)
Info about music therapy (a therapy that has shown to be especially effective for those on the spectrum)
What Obama has to say about health care and autism
Proprioceptive Dysfunction
Elmindreda’s reflections on autism
Why Jim Sinclair (a big name in the autism world) dislikes person-first language
The discovery of “aspie” criteria
10 terrific traits of autistic people
Ways to manage Executive Dysfunction (something a lot of people on the spectrum have)

I tried to link to either specific blog pages or sites that deal specifically with the spectrum. I didn’t include just blogs in general, because really, there are too many good ones out there to list. So I told her at the end of my reply that she could find all of these, plus more, at my site.

Did I do good?

BTW, I’m going to eventually start a new page on my right hand column called “Guide to Being an Aspie.” I’m not planning on just linking my own stuff (as this post probably shows). If you have anything else that you think should be included on this list (or a future list), feel free to let me know either through replying to a post or hunting out my email from this site (it’s listed; you just have to find it). *laughs*

I Think God Thinks I’m A Cupcake

And why do you say that, lastcrazyhorn?

Well, because every time I went outside today, I got sprinkled on.

Hardy har har.

Thanks! I’ll be here all night. Sadly, that’s probably true . . .

*laughs anyway*

Eventually it poured today; thundering and lightning (lightninging?) like crazy. We were under a severe thunderstorm warning, and for all I know, we might still be *wanders over to weather.com* It’s been cancelled, it says. Okey dokey then.

That’s not what I was thinking about though, when I set out to write this post. No, I think I’ve had an IDEA. Exciting, yes, I know; kind of like aspies and obsessions, our ideas are almost cut from the same frenzied cloth. It was an Idea to start this blog (which seems to be going very well at the moment). It was an idea to write a short story in one day that ended up being 9 thousand words about an autistic boy.

In the past, my ideas have created robots out of k’nex, written novels in 30 days, gotten me into grad school, gotten me jobs, created art, written essays, created complex lego villages and underwater castles, composed compositions, built waterways through my backyard composed of dammed off areas and lakes and drainage systems . . . and generally have kept me out of mischief overall. *laughs again*

Ah, but this idea is even cooler than some of those, because, see, this idea involves you. I’ve heard this website frequently described as being like a virtual compendium of autism/aspie links and information. Well, I want to go further than that. I want to do more than just that.

And the comments on this post helped give me this idea. I talked about obsessions, and then you all started telling me about your obsessions/special interests. And see, that made me realize that there were an awful lot of diverse subjects represented here by just a few people. Then, I started to think about the implications of that concept.

Folks on the spectrum tend to have special interests or obsessions with certain topics. Really, the term, “obsession,” doesn’t fully appreciate the depth to which we pursue these interests. To tell you the truth, it’s almost as if we become semi-experts in the fields that we take interests in. And really if you want to know something about a particular field, the best person to ask about it (in order to get the full picture), would be an aspie/autistic person.

For example, one of my current special interests is the autistic spectrum. I have a feeling that this interest isn’t going pass on anytime soon either. I mean, just look at this website. I did all of this in 6 months. Anyone who has kept up with this site over a period of time knows that the sources here just keep expanding. I just keep finding more sources, and I like sharing what I have, so I link to what I see.

However, in the past, I have been interested in an array of thing, as shown in this post that covers topics that I have researched or studied.

An excerpt from that post:

  1. What subjects are you presently reading/have read? Oy. Ethics in therapist settings, autism spectrum disorders, depression, bipolar disorder, auditory processing disorder, sensory processing disorder, PTSD, complex PTSD, html basics, impacts of divorce, borderline personality disorder, DID/MPD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, music history, special needs children, goa, psytrance, self-injury, sexual abuse, frostbite, Batman, micropreemies, chelation, guitar chords, sackbutts, french horns, physics of sound, hyperlexia, prosopagnosia, nygstagmus (voluntary and involuntary), X-Files, M*A*S*H, Eminem, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, lactose intolerance, (back when I was a kid, I had a minor passing obsession with dinosaurs, but my obsession was more centered on the La Brae Tar Pits), La Brae Tar Pits (which of course led to volcanoes), volcanoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, Harry Potter, tarot, quadriplegia, Murderball/Wheelchair Rugby, Vincent D’onofrio, Alan Alda, HBO’s Oz, Wizard of Oz (and the series), general anxiety disorder, stress, attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, SLIders, Christianity, Synaesthesia, Chromaesthesia, human anatomy, human sterilization, scarification (maybe I should leave that one off . . . man, this list could go on forever, geez), Star Wars, Star Trek, nuclear winter, asteroids (not to be confused with kidney stones), teenage mutant ninja turtles, dehydration . . . pain management, poetry (I might mention that most of these interests come from pre-graduate school years). I might also alphabetize this list.

Well of those, the ones that I could be considered a good resource for would be:

  1. autism spectrum disorders
  2. depression
  3. bipolar disorder
  4. sensory processing disorder
  5. complex PTSD
  6. impacts of divorce on children
  7. DID/MPD
  8. certain aspects of special needs children
  9. self-injury
  10. sexual abuse
  11. Batman
  12. micropreemies
  13. guitar chords (at least an elementary understanding)
  14. french horns
  15. hyperlexia
  16. X-Files
  17. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
  18. Lactose Intolerance
  19. Hurricanes
  20. Tornadoes
  21. Harry Potter
  22. Hawkeye
  23. Wizard of Oz series
  24. General Anxiety Disorder
  25. stress
  26. ADD/ADHD
  27. OCD
  28. Christianity
  29. Synaesthesia/Chromaesthesia
  30. Boba Fett
  31. Star Trek’s Q
  32. Pain management
  33. Dehydration

Plus, you can now add Medicare into that list. I had to do an assignment for one of my classes on Medicare that ended up being just barely short of 20 thousand words by the time I finished. Needless to say, I know a lot more about Medicare than I ever thought I would. But now, I want to know more. I want to know what I’m doing in regards to my insurance and I want to make sure that I’m not getting screwed over by anyone. I want to know my rights and I want to help other people to know theirs.

I mean, I just had passing interests in these things as time went on. Oh and a couple more that should be mentioned are:

  1. Weighted vests
  2. Polio
  3. Asthma
  4. Stephen King
  5. Bullying
  6. Research
  7. M*A*S*H (the tv show)

So here’s what I was thinking. All of you out there, if you’d be willing to be a potential reference, you could be included on the reference page that I haven’t yet written, with a list of topics that you can help provide info for. Did that make sense? It’s after midnight and I’ve been going on less than 5 hours of sleep every night this week.

Let me know what you think and if you need clarification on what the heck I said. This would include all of you getting links in your usernames leading wherever you wanted btw.

Speaking of random things, check out one of the things I’ve been listening to lately:

We have miles to go before we sleep
no time to catch our breath
we don’t even mind,
as long as we find our final destination - by a group called “Vertigo”

Goth Anyone?

Okay, so I have obsessions, yes? As of yet, none of them involve any aspect of the goth culture.

This is a problem.

I have a presentation–a 50 minute presentation–quickly approaching that I have not finished my research for. I’ve had subjects in the past that I’ve gotten interested in and become a virtual expert of in less than 36 hours. I need to do this with the goth culture too.

Hell, when I was initially reading about ASDs (I’m always reading about ASDs now), I read Tony Attwood’s book “The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome,” in less than two days. Being that that’s an awesome book, it’s a little more than the length of your average read.

I guess what I’m saying that I need to find is that extreme kind of focus that only being truly obsessed in something can bring.

The class that this is for is my Multicultural Music Therapy Grad class.  We had to pick sub-cultures and do a presentation on them and their music, and then afterwards, write a research paper about it.  I wanted to pick Asperger’s Syndrome/Autism as my sub-culture, but my teacher wouldn’t let me, since she said that there was no music associated directly with it.  I argued–I almost always do–but alas, I lost the fight.  I had read somewhere that folks on the spectrum react well to polyrhythmic (multiple rhythms) sounds in songs.  Only now, I can’t find where I read that.  So I’ll keep looking.  *sighs*

Goths.  Okay.  Outcasts.  I can dig that.  I bounced on the edge of the goth culture for about a year or so during my freshman year in college.  And I was always friends with all of the goths in high school.  I like goths.  I just need to find a way to make that like turn into obsession, at least for a bit.  Of course then the problem with that is that it’s not like you can just turn an obsession on or off.  It’s either there or it’s not.

I used to be obsessed with the X-Files.  I mean, I had it bad.  I wish I could show you.  I have a couple of pics, but no scanner.  I had pictures all over my walls and a couple on my ceiling even.  The first time I really became acquainted with the internet I spent 4 hours on it in one sitting without noticing the passage of time, because I was enthralled with all of the X-Files websites I kept finding.  It was mostly the pictures that I loved.  I’ve always loved pictures.

*ponders*

I Believe In Harvey Dent

Support Harvey Dent!

Harvey Dent is committed to truth and honesty in governing. He is also committed to truth and honesty in campaigning. And the honest truth is that we’ve had a tough week.

Everyone who knows Harvey Dent knows that the vicious smears by a mysterious group calling itself “Concerned Citizens for a Better Gotham” are not true. Harvey Dent is innocent of these charges, and the truth will triumph.

Harvey Dent believes that the movement to take back Gotham is bigger than one person. It’s never been about Harvey Dent. It’s about our hopes for our city. It’s about you.

Harvey Dent has always said that if he becomes a distraction from the bigger issues of the movement to fight crime and corruption, he’ll make the best decision for the movement itself.

We’ve done a lot in the last few months. We’ve shown the city that we will not stop fighting against the dark forces that have Gotham in their grasp. We showed everyone that we do have power. That there is hope for Gotham City.

The I Believe in Harvey Dent campaign will be holding a press conference today at 3:00 pm (EDT). The audio will be streaming live at www.ibelieveinharveydent.com. Whatever Harvey Dent says, I know one thing – I’m proud of him. And I’m proud of all of you.

I still believe in Harvey Dent. Do you?

Allan Cypes
Media Manager, Dent for DA

The Dark KnightThis is going to be one hell of a cool movie. The sequel to Batman Begins, also known as “The Dark Knight,” is coming to theaters this summer. However, this is going to be much more than just a mere movie. Most obviously, one of its main characters–The Joker (played by Heath Ledger)–is dead. Given the interactiveness of this movie’s advertising, if I didn’t know better, I’d say it was just a stunt to raise the hype on this movie. Then again, you’d have to be pretty crazy to pull a stunt like that off, and I really do believe that he did indeed die.

It was just a thought.

In the meantime, you should check out the site “I Believe in Harvey Dent, whose web address just arrived in my inbox this very afternoon, alongside the message above. You should especially check out this site if it is before or at 3 pm EST on April 13th, 2008, for a “press conference.”

*checks watch*

That’s in less than an hour, folks. I doubt that what’s going to happen then will be on there after that time period.

EDIT - Post-3pm EST - Well, it wasn’t a press conference, but rather a hostage situation that we got to listen to that was happening in Gotham City. A cop by the name of Notaro (or maybe Nataro?) had flipped, apparently after having seen his partner’s family’s dead bodies (whom they had been killed by was anyone’s guess). Then, in the middle of the total craziness, Dent manages to communicate with him and exchange himself for the female hostage!!! And then, shortly after her release, they both come out.

*wide eyes*

Excellent

You may have noticed the fact that I have this emblem in my sidebar:

It was given to me by Awalkabout back on April 6, which was my birthday if you can remember back that far. *laughs* This concept was started by Shannon at the Mommy Project.

As part of the deal, I now get to pick 10 worthy bloggers with which to bestow the award upon.

Hmmm. *wiggles eyebrows*

In alphabetical order:

  • Shiva’s Biodiverse Resistance - He is unendingly thought provoking in nearly everything he posts on his blog.
  • Cripchick’s Weblog - This is one of those blogs that everyone should take a look at. It is that good.
  • Dkmnow - Thought provoking yes, but he also tends to put concepts into words that make sense. Like, to me, even.
  • FXSmom’s Fragile What!? - Diverse doesn’t even begin to sum up this woman’s blog.
  • Katrin’s I’m Not “Wrong” - To be on or involved with the spectrum (or any disability), one requires a certain amount of hardiness or stubbornness to keep getting up to tackle each new day. While I believe that everyone that I link to has this quality, I believe also that this woman, especially, has reached that level of “I Will Not Back Down.” And for this, I salute her.
  • Just an Ordinary Day - Interesting, thoughtful . . . let’s put it this way; the first time I ever found her blog, I found myself clicking various tags at will and then reading every post under each category. I think I spent 2 hours there the first time I visited.
  • Casdok’s Mother of Shrek - Even though she’s taking a hiatus from blogging for a little bit, I couldn’t write this post without her inclusion. Her son is nonverbal and about to age out of the program he’s in (which is why she’s taking the hiatus from blogging). She gives a unique perspective of what it’s like to be a parent in her situation. Plus, as far as I can tell, she posts comments on nearly everyone’s blogs. *laughs*
  • Sheila Schoonmaker - Sheila’s blog often reminds me of many of my own experiences and ways of understanding the world; only difference is about 30 years or so.
  • Mommydearest’s The Quirk Factor - She funny, she’s sad, she’s angry . . . in a word, she’s real.
  • Venus Speaks - She’s new in the blogging world, but that’s not a reason to discount her.  I like what she has to say thus far, and I’m looking forwards to reading her posts in the future.

Okay, that’s it.  I tried not to link any of the same ones as Awalkabout.  And since she was the one who picked me, I decided that it would be redundant to pick her!  *laughs*

So you folks that I picked, here’s what you have to do:

  1. Pick ten more blogs that you consider excellent.
  2. Post about them in some fashion.
  3. Inform them that you have done so.
  4. And make sure you link back to Shannon (and me too if you really want to be nice).

That’s all.  :)  Onwards!!!

Let’s Just Assume That No One Should Speak For Anyone Else - ‘Kay?

Alex Plank, the co-creator of Wrong Planet, recently did an interview on the Chicago Tribune’s blog about the concept of neurodiversity and the question of the concept of a cure in conjunction with autistic peoples on the spectrum.

If you check this out, you should make sure that you read the comments, for they are every bit as wide and diverse as the spectrum itself.

Since this article, I’ve seen many comments by other people that Alex’s life is too good, that he’s not aspie enough or autistic enough to even represent the spectrum, since he obviously isn’t feeling any ill effects thereof.

Uh huh.

I’d like to point out a few things about all of that.

  1. First of all, it’s clear that Alex perseverates–a clear aspie trait. How do I know that? Look at the article. How many times does the interviewer try to change the subject and he refuses to go with her? He’s stuck on what he’s trying to say and by god, he’s gonna say it. That’s sooo an aspie trait.
  2. Okay, I think that Alex got stuck too much on the so-called higher functioning end of the spectrum as he tried to explain his point of view. Many aspies have much higher/worse extreme levels of sensory disorders than what he even alluded to. Then again, he was stuck on his idea of what he was trying to say . . . plus, aspies don’t exactly phrase ideas in the best possible ways at all times, because we’re more interested in getting across our honest perception of how we see things as opposed to the most diplomatic way of saying it. I think that’s why this is a little rough around the edges.
  3. That, and generally speaking, aspies tend to do better in the written word than in the spoken.
  4. Also, I think the questions were a bit vague. The interviewer obviously had never tried to interview an aspie before. If she had, she would have been more forceful/blunt (like saying something like, “Okay Alex, let’s change topics NOW”). Subtle rules of interaction. We miss out on those. Geez, and this was a telephone interview? I’m completely blind on the phone. Nowadays I can pick up on some of the emotions going on in-between the lines thanks to the expressions on people’s faces and what they’re doing while talking to me . . . little details that are completely missed on the phone.
  5. She should have asked exactly what she wanted to know, instead of alluding to it. You can’t do that with an aspie. She asked something like, “so you wouldn’t want any of your symptoms treated?” In conjunction with what? Allergies? My need for glasses? Sensory issues? Which ones? Too broad, too broad. Tsk tsk tsk.

I’m very disappointed in what could have been a better interview. It’s obvious that she wasn’t expecting too much, so she didn’t ask for much. And more than that, she didn’t do her homework. What’s wrong with her? Silly NTs. They’re always thinking that everyone thinks like them. Too bad they couldn’t be more EMPATHETIC. *rolls eyes for good measure*

This wasn’t particularly well received among the pro-cure communities.

Hmm, how did I know that one?

Okay, so I’m not “low-functioning,” a term that is becoming more and more a topic of controversial debate as the weeks go on. However, I am on the spectrum and do have a number of current and past issues that I’m still/ever working through. I may seem fairly well put together now, but that’s only after many years of trial and error. And error. And error. And err-. I think you get the point.

Against my better judgment, I decided to respond to one of these posts. It’s here.

And since I strongly doubt the inclusion of my response in the list of comments, I also copied it here, so you can see it.

Cure and treatment are not the same things. To take autistic traits out of humanity would severely limit our creativity and our ability to discover innovative solutions to our dilemmas.

Treatment, on the other hand, is more about modifying the methods with which we survive life. We wear clothes; we wear shoes; we use fire and build houses . . . these are all modifications on life to enable us to live to higher levels of potential.

OT, PT, AT, MT . . . these are all therapies that help make life better for all people, especially in regards to the latter two (Art and music therapy).

We don’t need to be cured, but rather given a chance at using all of the tools available to us in the toolbox.

Many of those self-injurious behaviors relate directly to anxiety levels and sensory problems. I know. I was once self-injurious. You figure out what those sorts of problems are, what’s causing the anxiety, what helps alleviate it . . . then, that’s when the really neat stuff starts to happen.

Give us music. Give us art. Give us understanding and compassion. We can sense dishonesty. We can sense your distrust and underlying dislike for everything that we are. It adds to our unease with life. Show us joy. Love others. Do all of this with others.

Don’t assume to know us, to know what we think . . . both sides are guilty of that, but I think that the neurotypicals started it. And it’s the neurotypicals who constantly accuse us of it, never taking responsibility for themselves in that regards.

No one knows everything. No one is in the same situation. I speak these word out of personal knowledge of my experiences on the spectrum.

And don’t judge us purely by what we are now. Don’t trivialize our pasts and don’t ignore our hard fought for achievements. Don’t laugh when we fall and don’t claim that we are broken in some way, as Foresam has done time and time again.

We are all humans. No one functions at the same level. No one reacts the same way.

Alex says what he says based on the words of nearly 20,000 aspies. I don’t claim to speak for him, but I’m sure that must have a large part in it.

Sure, he seems good now, but did you know him ten years ago? Did you know me ten years ago? Fifteen? Twenty?

You say that we don’t resemble your children. Well that’s true; after all, you are not our parent(s). But we still have the sensory issues; the coordination difficulties; the language/expression problems, comprehension difficulties . . . to a lesser extent though in some cases (and in some cases not).

But look at the colors: navy blue and sky blue are definitely different colors, and yet, they’re still blue. Their core is the same.

It’s strange how they say that aspies think purely in black and white. It seems to me that many neurotypicals are the washed out ends of the extreme–black and white–while aspies and auties, we make up the shades in-between. Don’t discount our differences.

Or our similarities.

If you want to read a really good article on neurodiversity, check out what the man (the myth, the legend lol) Ari Ne’eman had to say while in Florida for World Autism Day.

The Dark Knight

It’s not exactly like being told to follow a white rabbit, but it’s close . . .

http://www.clowntravelagency.com

Go and find what you will.

Aspie Acceptance

I get emails occasionally from parents and other folks who are looking for more info on Asperger’s Syndrome. Mostly these emails go on in private behind the scenes of this blog, but I’m about to make an exception to that. These are reproduced with permission; so don’t worry about that. I think, and so does the parent who emailed me, that these emails cover some vital topics that would be important for others to see. Thus, here we are.

It all started with a comment on my “I Don’t Know If You’ve Noticed This, But . . .” post by Joell who wrote:

Hi.
I stumbled across your blog when I was searching for some quotes about autism…I like to collect quotes, like you like to collect links! -) I liked the blog about quotes so much that I just kept on reading!
I am the mom of a 13 yr old aspie boy and I have appreciated and enjoyed reading your blog. I love all the helpful links too! And I like your idea that we are all on the spectrum somewhere…I have often had the same thought.
Maybe you could help me with something…my son is in the midst of middle school and is very aware of his differences. I have been trying to help him embrace his Asperger’s and see what an amazing kid he is. He is having a tough time seeing what I see. I tell him that normal is a setting on an appliance, and does not apply to people! Do you have any ideas about how I can help him with that? How did you come to embrace being on the spectrum? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
I realize this is a really long comment…thanks for bearing with me.

I replied both on that same post and via email:

Acceptance of one’s Aspie qualities truly starts with true acceptance of one’s self. I developed that before I ever discovered the aspie part of the deal.

I worked intensively on this for one summer, and have made it a continued part of my existence ever since (that makes it a time period of about 4 years).

First I established what I things in life I knew to be true–what aspects of the world that I believed in (I went really simple at first, starting with gravity). From there I worked up into who I trusted, what I believed about the world, what I knew to be true of myself.

Next, I followed up by telling myself I loved myself every day, but I didn’t leave it at that; no, I told myself that I loved myself, but I also said why. I gave myself examples to look at, and in turn, I started to see those examples in real time in real life.

I think this might be an aspie thing, because I’ve talked with a few others here and there about it. It’s not enough to say something like “I love you,” without explaining why, because so often in life, it is proven to us that people will say one thing, but then do a completely different thing. Not saying that this applies to you personally, but I think that’s just how the thought pattern gets established.

And you thought your thought was drawn out!

P.S.

Check these out:

The Discovery of Aspie Criteria
Top 10 Terrific Traits of Autistic People

And here’s a site with a whole bunch of aspies . . . all experiencing the same sorts of things . . . Wrong Planet

Next, Joell said this:

Thank you SO much for you speedy reply! And thanks for the great links! Those are just what I need. Hearing your perspective is very helpful to me…Of course my husband and I are always affirming our son (J, 13 yrs old, dx’d Aspie at age 5) but I never thought of it the way you described it (saying why) and like the “discovery of Aspie criteria” article stated. I will be more specific from now on. Hopefully that will help J in his acceptance of himself. I have also heard of the “wrong planet” website before and will go give it a look.
I’ve often said that if I could just be inside J’s mind for 5 minutes I would know everything I needed to know to best help him! Ha ha. Learning from someone who HAS lived inside the aspie mind, is invaluable. Of course, I realize that no two aspies are alike, but thanks for being willing to share your expertise with me!!
Another thing that is particularly hard for J, and has been since infancy, is getting to sleep. Is this something you have experienced? I know sleep issues seem to be common with folks on the spectrum and just wondering what advice you may have for that. We do have an evening routine which I think is soothing for him. But it seems like he just can’t “turn off his brain”, if that makes any sense. There is always something churning in there! It’s like he just keeps reliving the day’s events or he will repeat lines from a TV show or something he’s heard during the day. Maybe he’s worrying. I ask him what he’s thinking about and he says “nothing”…I find that hard to believe Winking smiley emoticon, but I don’t give him a hard time about it. Sometimes it will take him well over an hour to get to sleep. We have given him benadryl at night sometimes, at the suggestion of one of his doctors. It seems to help him be drowsy. Just didn’t know if you had something else?
I don’t want to be a nuisance with all the long emails and questions, but I just want so much to help my son. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I replied thus:
Part of the affirming process needs to come from you two, but he needs to be encouraged to do some of it himself. You need to ask him/prompt him for what it is and why it is that he values himself . . . or what he likes anyways. Or make him aware of some of the cool things that he does that you think are neat, etc. Aspies have a hard time answering general questions–like “how was your day at school?” There’s too much there to contemplate, so we’ll often just shrug and say “nothing,” because we can’t tell exactly what you want us to talk about. We need specifics.

It’s also possible that he’s not aware that he’s worrying. I’m on some anti-anxiety meds now, after trying it forever without, and my anxiety levels are so much lower now . . . I mean, even lower than the times when I thought I was relaxed!

Otherwise, have you heard of the calming effects of weighted blankets/vests? Oftentimes, aspies crave what’s referred to as “deep pressure.” It’s a kind of sensory stimulation, and it’s very calming for us when we get it. Have you read Temple Grandin’s book, “Thinking in Pictures”? She talks about it there. They make weighted blankets and vests specifically for the purpose of helping those with sensory processing disorder (what it’s usually referred to, but I’m personally of the mind that you don’t have to be dxed to have traits of it). They also make weighted vests for people who do weight training, and while they don’t look as pretty, they can sometimes be found for about half the price of the “official” ones. My mother bought me one for my birthday. I haven’t gotten it yet (I’m in grad school in Texas, and she’s in North Carolina), but when I do, I’ll be sure to write about it.

You can compare, if you want (I’ve also got these and more linked on my site):

- specifically for SPD, but expensive (and looks good!)

- not cited as being for SPD, but is the same thing as the other one, only it has no special look and costs about 50% less. This is the one my mother bought me.

One thing about it, if you go the less expensive route, you need to make sure that they are “adjustable,” that is, their weight isn’t set. Instead, they should have little weight inserts. Really, I think on kids the most that’s needed is like 3 pounds. And you don’t have to wear it all the time, but rather just a certain amount of time during the day. And then, if he has a meltdown or something close to it, he can put it on and it should help calm him down.

If you look in the patent information for weighted vests (I’m thorough, what can I say?), you can see that it says that weighted vests are good for this kind of thing: Patent Info. I think it’s under the description of vest #10 . . . if I’m remembering correctly. But if you do a search in the doc for “autism,” I think you should find it no problem.

Often it feels as though my inner emotions are floating just at the outer edge of my skin, or it feels like gravity has no hold on me and I could just float off the ground–which is a nervous sensation when you’re trying to fall asleep.

Asperger’s has traits of OCD, which is more of the atypical variety, because there are very few compulsions, and numerous obsessions. It’s often impossible just to turn off your brain. Plus, puberty is another thing that has a profound effect on aspies (much like everyone else, but sometimes worse in different ways–what with the hormone changes, since aspies are more sensitive anyways).

Aspies also have problems spotting things within their systems–like sickness, specifically stomachaches–until they’re at a pain level, and this causes some anxiety/discomfort that is sometimes hard to nail down internally. You just feel off, but you can’t say why. So in addition to my suggestion about weighted blankets, here are a few other things that might help:

-Relaxation routine (you mentioned something, but you didn’t say exactly what) that involves a tension-release routine. That is, he tenses up one part of the body (say arms) really tight and holds it for about 5 seconds or so, and then releases. Then he does it again. And then he moves onto another part. They make guided cds for this. Not only does this help me relax, but I wake up feeling good too.
-Hot tea in the hour before bed (but no sugar) - helps relax from the inside out, but doesn’t have the problems of the sugary high that cocoa brings. Peppermint tea is really good for this. Helps relax the stomach.
-Heat. Like a heating pad, only I know something that’s better. It’s called a “Bed Buddy.” However, you don’t even have to buy this. I know something even better if you have even minimal sewing skills. If you make a little pillow (two pieces of cloth and sew together), and fill it partially with rice, that’s all this is. Then you can stick in the microwave for 2 minutes-ish, depending on the size, and it’s portable and warm for an hour or more. And warmer than a heating pad. Moist heat.
-Hot shower (notice a theme here?) - before bed and make sure he focuses on some deep breathing, to help relax all those things that aren’t supposedly tense.
-Journal writing - A good way just to get out some of those thoughts–try free writing, make him write for say 5 minutes without stopping, eventually crap comes out that he might be worrying about (might not) . . . but make sure he keeps writing something, even if it’s just one word over and over.

Have you ever looked into music therapy? To find one near you: click here. And there are more links on my site–lol. Music therapy is a type of therapy that helps treat the entire person, in a non-invasive way. I think for aspies, music therapy’s main two benefits are the release of otherwise unspeakable/nameable emotions and then also some extra social skills training (they often do this through drum circles; an experience that requires some give and take on the parts of those involved).

Of course, I’m in grad school for music therapy. On one hand, you could say I’m biased towards it; but on the other hand, you could say that I just know what I’m talking about. Also, music therapy has been shown to especially have a good effect (usually–there’s always the exceptions) for people on the autistic spectrum. Besides, music therapy is just fun. Here: Music Therapy FAQ

Even if you were to be inside his head, you probably still wouldn’t know what was happening. :P Our brains work a lot differently than NT’s (neurotypicals). We have trouble identifying stuff about ourselves. Self-awareness is a tool that is important to develop for aspies.

One other thing that’s important to know is that the beliefs/conceptions about aspies aren’t all true. The people studying us aren’t aspies. They only describe what they see/what they think is going on. Aspies are more complex than that.

Hmm, I wonder if you would mind if I turned this into a post?

And obviously that last answer was given!

I won’t post the entire conversation, but I think the parts that were included were good pieces. I’m thinking about starting up a section on my blog titled “Aspie Guide” or something like that. “Guide to the aspie?” Hmm, I’ll have to think on what to call it.

Who better than the adult aspie to tell how it is?

If anyone has any questions, feel free to email (found on sidebar) or post a comment, and I’ll see if I can’t get back to you pretty fast.

As for those of you worried about me from my last post, let’s just put it this way: the initial shock nearly killed me, but I think I’ve got it under control now. That’s not to say that there aren’t still things that drive me nutty about it, but I think it’s controllable now.

BTW, I’d like to thank both Casdok over at Mother of Shrek and Awalkabout for linking me in two different unrelated posts. :) EDIT - there’s one more; it’s by a lady of the name nijimomma who linked my Imagine This (A Narrative on Bullying) post.

Whee!!!

While It May Not Be Visible From The Outside . . .

WordPress just fucked up royally. And I am uber pissed.

First of all, aspies don’t like change anyways, but when you add IDIOCY and RANDOM CHAOS into it all, then we really get pissed off.

They just changed the dashboard (editing interface) that we use for everything behind the scenes. Before, everything was orderly, logical, calm, pleasant . . . should I go on?

Now? It looks like something out of my worst nightmare. It’s haphazard. It’s illogical. You can’t get back to the main page without going back through the blog (as far as I can tell thus far). Things aren’t loading all the way.

And don’t even let me get started on the page layout, especially on the first page.

Number 1, it’s all left oriented, which makes me feel like I should move my computer to the right about 3 inches just so I can see what I’m doing. There are literally 2 or 3 inches of blank space on the sides just NOT DOING ANYTHING. Is anyone important reading this??? What the hell is wrong with you wordpress people!?!

I really feel like hyperventilating. I really want to hurt things. I don’t really care who.

Okay. So the front page is completely haphazard. I’ve seen piles of leaves that have made more sense than what I’m looking at right now.

It’s like waking up and seeing that someone apparently dyed your hair purple in the middle of the night, and now you can’t get rid of it. Nor can you find the person responsible.

*breathes very deeply and tries to unclench teeth*

Did they warn us? No.

Who the hell had this bright idea?

Makes me feel like clawing first my own skin off, and then following suit with whoever implemented it.

How the fuck do you upload pics, evil wordpress people!?!

I really don’t want to offend anyone right now, but if you ever wanted to know what it was like for someone on the verge of a meltdown, then you’re in the prime seat right now.

I want to kill the wordpress people right now

Now on the opening page, you get this mess, plus about 4 other things.

IF I WANTED A FUCKING MYSPACE, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY!!!

*shoots the powers that be the Finger*

Oh, and that little loading thing? Never loads. Nope.

*really wants to cry*

*is really pissed off*

Thanks a lot. I was in a fucking good mood too!

Why the hell should they put that much space in on the right side? I would really be handling this better right now if it weren’t for that. And I REFUSE to reorient the placement of my computer because you don’t know how to center the damn screen!

As for the main page, who puts stats, link backs and recent comments all together? Okay, the first two are related, but the comments should not be there!

And the page doesn’t even end there. It goes on with all of the stuff that’s usually there, only the font is about 2 sizes smaller and it’s all to the left like everything else.

*really really really wants to be self-destructive right now*

I will not. I won’t.

*tenses up every muscle in her body hard and holds it like that, gradually increasing pressure, while screaming soundlessly at them; all while fluttering her fingers on the sides of her head*

*takes a breath*

*does it again*

*wants to hit something*

*doesn’t*

*clenches teeth instead*

*rocks*

*chews on hand*

*flips them off*

Here. Save me some sanity. Go complain.

Throw some water balloons. Toilet paper someone’s house. Wrap someone’s car in saran wrap, but make sure you cover it in peanut butter first.

*looks evil right now*

*makes a rude gesture or two*

EDIT:

Here’s another place to give feedback. Personally, I’d like to know what other aspies think of this change. Is this a me thing, or is it some kind of aspie vs. NT thing???

Also, I did find one thing that makes this slightly easier to stand. You can click on your profile and change the color schema from new to old, or classic, or whatever the hell it’s called.

I’m a pretty passive person generally, but when I get pissed off, I get pissed off. I should probably try breathing again sometime soon. *growls*