Of Course I’m Pissed. Why Wouldn’t I Be?
There was a meeting Tuesday between me and 3 professors. One of the things they mentioned as a problem for me was apparently I have an anger management problem???
No, but I do now . . .
For real though, I do not have an anger management problem. I used to, but I don’t anymore. It’s been many a year since I last slammed someone against a wall for pissing me off, more than half a decade, in fact.
They said I need to figure out what was pissing me off so much and then deal.
Well actually, you all are pretty well pissing me off. Well, just you Dr. _________. I’ve known for a year now that you’ve had doubts about my character, regarding my ability to be a good music therapist. Everytime I have to do anything in front of the class, I go up there thinking, “She doesn’t think that I can do it.”
Other people go up there thinking, “I hope I don’t screw up,” but they figure they have a fair chance at being graded. I go up there thinking that I better do a damn good job, since she already has me pegged as a failure.
I’m pissed off that it seems I have to earn everything that is just given to other people for free. It’s always like this. It’s always been like this.
I was talking to a friend about this yesterday and she surprised me with these words: “Yeah, I noticed that.”
She noticed it because she’s on the other side of the fence. She’s one of the ones who gets given stuff in lieu of others not. She says she feels bad, but she doesn’t know what she can do about it. I told her not to feel bad, because it’s not her fault. I should probably take my own advice.
I’ve been thinking about signing up for counseling anyways this semester. I do it just about every semester when I’m in school anyways, even though I have every reason not to trust the counseling system, given how many times they’ve let me down (not here though).
This just gave me the push to get it done. So I have an intake appointment next Wednesday. I told them not to give me to anyone who will let me get away with bullshitting them. I have a tendency to do that. Defense mechanism. Unless you pin me to the wall and ask me exactly what you want to know, I’ll slip out of your grasp every time.
More later, as this continues to process in my brain.
In other news, it’s the coldest day of fall thus far. 59 F/15 C. Not that cold really, but nearly half of what we sat at for about 2 months this past summer.
~ by lastcrazyhorn on October 16, 2008.
Posted in abuse, anxiety, aspies, autism, Autistic Spectrum Particulars, bigotry, children with disabilities, communication, disabilities, discrimination, distress, education, Excessive fury, fear, Figuring stuff out, just one more painful memory, mood disorders, music therapy, music therapy professors, music therapy students, pain, Politics, really pissed off, senses, social justice, stress, stupidity
Tags: Add new tag, unequal treatment