April Fool’s Day in February

Some things are just a bit too funny for mere words to try and describe.

Oh well.  I’ll try anyways.

I’m a member of my church choir.  I belong to an United Methodist Church that is amazing in that it actually practices what it preaches.  This is the real deal.

So I’m sitting up in the choir loft this morning, during the 11 o’clock service, just like I do nearly every Sunday morning.  And I don’t know why this next thing happens, given the fastidiousness of the music director and tech crew, but regardless, it does.  The sound keeps bleeping in and out on the preacher’s mic.  That, and it’s not turned up loud enough.

Now here’s one reason that I like Methodists:  the church staff sit in the pews with everyone else; there is none of that “we are separate and on display” schmada schmada.  Well, in the case of the music director, he usually sits in the choir loft with us (fully robed, mind you).

At one point I turn around and see that he is motioning with his hand for the sound person to turn something lower.  It’s not very obvious to anyone who’s not in the choir, but it is a bit amusing.  A couple of minutes later then, he actually gets up and goes upstairs via the balcony to fix it himself.   *smacks head*

Then I look up where he is and he’s using hand motions to ask us if it’s at an okay level.  Someone on the front row gives him a smile and a thumbs up and he gets up and comes on back.

Ten minutes later . . .

He’s back up top.  *snorts*  We’re doing communion that day; so he’s got to get back before then, because the choir always goes first and then we sing part of the time while everyone is partaking.

I look up and I don’t know what he’s doing, but it’s obvious that he’s listening for something, because he has his hands cupped over his ears, pushing them forwards.  This is an amusing look for him; combining that with the fact that the sound is still screwed up, I’m beginning to be amused.  *giggles*

Five minutes later . . .

We’ve partaken in the bread and the “wine” and have sat back down.  On the way back up to the choir loft, we pass by John.  Once, a few months ago, as we were processing into the service, John says to me “Shazam.”  This makes me laugh, and I suddenly find it rather difficult to keep a straight face as I am suddenly walking into the aisle.

Well, as we’re passing John this time, I whisper to him, “Shazam.”  He grins, nods and says “Exactly.”


Five minutes later . . .

Our director – John – is standing behind the organist, ready to direct us to sing.   Unfortunately, the organist (a really awesome older dude) doesn’t see him standing there.  See, we sing hymns until everyone (who wants to) in the service has taken part in that portion of the service.   The organist/organ is in the very middle of the choir loft.  He sits with his back to the congregation.  But he has side mirrors that he uses to watch for cues from John.

Today he missed those cues.

So, we’re all trying to get his attention.  Oh, and might I mention that the organ is also acting oddly???  A couple of the stops, for whatever reason, aren’t working entirely right.  Who knows.  But it’s special.  Very very . . . special.

Therefore, we end up whispering to John, “Just have us stand up!!!”  Which he finally does.

And we sing and it’s pretty etc.

Later on this, when we’ve sat back down, and John is once again sitting behind me, I happen to notice that he’s singing bass on one of the communion hymns.  Mind you, people tend to sing unison on these hyms; so that means you only sing the tenor and soprano parts.  Bleah.  I’m pretty sure that John is either a tenor or a baritone (sort of in-between the tenor and bass); so why he starts singing bass on a song that is in unison is anyone’s guess – probably the same reason that I started singing alto (boredness).  Only problem . . . he can’t actually hit some of the notes in the part.


So he’s hitting those pedal tones by using the deep growly part of his voice.

You know, the part of your range that sounds like a coffin door creaking open, just before the vampire shows up.

Yeah well, John has no shame.  He’s practically belting the notes.  Once again, I doubt that anyone can hear it beyond the choir, but since he’s sitting almost directly behind me, I most certainly can tell.

And then on the final hymn, he does something that’s a lot funnier.  He sings alto (the lower female part) for the last verse of the song.

Given what happened in the service today, I was more than a little tickled by the end.


~ by lastcrazyhorn on February 1, 2009.

One Response to “April Fool’s Day in February”

  1. My husband was raised in the Methodist church–he was a lay pastor for several years as a young m,an, where his father was minister. He has always insisted that in the Methodist hgmnal it indicates that everyone should sing, whether they believe they can or not, and that they are admonished to sing loudly, regardless.

    I bet that would freak out your average microphone system across the board. 🙂

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