Talking – Or Rather, Lack Thereof
Lately I’ve stopped talking as much as I normally am wont to do. Most likely I could be classified as being hyper-verbal on a normal everyday sort of basis, but lately it just seems that the opposite is true. I think I’m in the midst of a transitionary stage of my evolution as a person. The last time I went through one of these quiet phases was in the summer of 2004. That fall was my junior year in undergrad; likewise, it was also the first time my brain had ever really started engaging the “filter” over what my mouth would say in class. It was as though I could suddenly hear my brain interjecting with, “are you really sure that you want to say that?” It was a revelation of sorts for me at the time. However, its initial levels of managing my verbosity were dismal at best. I often tell people that my filter works about 68% of the time now; in comparison, I think my initial, raw beginning of a mental filter only worked about 20 or 30% of the time.
That said, my filter is working about 88% of the time at the present. Well, I don’t know if that’s actually true. I think I’m just not saying anything much at all, and am therefore not giving myself opportunities for getting in trouble.
Not that it particularly matters now, given what I found out last night. I had my interview for admission into the graduate counseling program a few weeks back. Now after what has felt like an eternity, I finally found out my admission status.
~ by lastcrazyhorn on March 29, 2009.
Posted in aspies, Autistic Spectrum Particulars, communication, disabilities, distress, education, empathy, Figuring stuff out, just one more painful memory, listening, pain, philosophy, professors, social justice, stress
Tags: mental filter, sadness