I Has An Egg (or two or three)

And it might turn into a dragon provided that you click on it. *nods*

Rhetorical Questions

In my ongoing and disjointed attempt to help other people understand Asperger’s Syndrome, I have decided to discuss the problems I have with rhetorical questions.

Via UsingEnglish.com: A rhetorical question is one that requires no answer because the answer is obvious and doesn’t need to be stated . The speaker (of the rhetorical question) is not looking for an answer but is making some kind of a point, as in an argument.

Now, I also have some difficulty with certain types of sarcastic statements, but that’s largely because I’m not only somewhat gullible, but I have actually experienced a wide range of really bizarre happenings, and have learned not to be too surprised when something truly backwards occurs.

From a purely definitive standpoint, I understand the meaning of rhetorical question as well as the next person, but in terms of being able to understand the application of them, I have found my skills to be somewhat lacking.  Apparently I’m going through a new social understanding growth spurt, because as of late, I’ve started picking up on when things are rhetorical questions after I have blundered and tried to answer them.

And since now that I understand what a R.Q. (Rhetorical Question) is like in a variety of different situations, I’ve started being able to keep quiet – sometimes, anyways.  I’m doing better in classroom settings anyways.

1. First of all, teachers are more likely to ask R.Q.’s at the beginning of a class, rather than midway through or at the end.
2. It’s important to watch for whether the teacher is asking the entire class or specifically looking for volunteers.  This one is a bit harder to discern, but generally speaking, if she/he pauses afterwards and continues to look around at everyone–especially if accompanied by an increasingly annoyed look–then it’s actually a question that she/he wants answered.
3. As for personal interactions, watch out for complaints that are voiced in the form of a question.  Ex.  “Geez!  Why is it so cold outside??? That doesn’t require an actual answer, but rather is merely a complaint about the temperature.  So my answer, “Because there aren’t any clouds to hold the heat in,” is not the right kind of thing to reply back with.   Instead, people prefer you to either agree with them, or disagree by saying something like, “I don’t know; I rather like this temperature!” They don’t actually want to know the answer to their question.

In Comparison . . .

The reticulated python is positively cute.

I Like Mutants

Or perhaps just abnormally large/bizarre things.  Either way . . .

So like a few posts ago, I’ve got another couple of key words you ought to shove into Google; only this time, you can pick whether or not you want to look at images or text.

“Titanoboa cerrejonensis.“

Sounds fun; don’t you think?

I thought so.  I even linked a couple of articles for you.  Aren’t I nice?  I linked them in the name itself.  Click on of the two words above and you’ll be sent to one of the two articles.

Personally I like the second of the two best, but that might just be due to the article’s formatting.  Meh.

BTW, whatever happened to “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all?”  I mean, I know that some people get off on being snarky, and I know that there’s a difference between criticism and constructive criticism, but why on earth would you start your comment off with an insult?  That’s hardly the way to get me to read your comment, let alone approve it for posting.  Insult me through your comment, if you wish, but don’t start out by telling me I’m an idiot, when you’re so clearly being one yourself.

This is my new (or possibly just officially decided and publicly announced) stance on moderating comments.  So rie, that’s why I deleted your comment (should you bother to read this).

Say It With Me

Gotta wake up!!!

It’s homework time and I have to stay awake to do it (at 6:03 am).  I don’t think my state of wakefulness this morning was helped much by those really whacked out dreams I had last night.  The little woman from Norway or Iceland, or wherever she was from, running around with a smoking American flag (the pole was smoking) was odd enough, but the fact that the flag was actually just a triggering device for all of her bombs was truly bizarre; and let’s not forget that odd cackling sound she kept making either.

And then there were the two cops that followed her back home – someplace where they didn’t speak English and it was snowing, hence the thought of somewhere cold.  I remembered thinking, what kind of American carries a passport with them at all times?

The kind that travels outside the U.S., was my subconsciousness’s snarky reply.

It only got weirder once Bill Shatner showed up . . .

*sigh*

Unrelated BTW, I think this might be a symptom of my generation, because I’ve never heard anyone over 40 use this phrase in answering a question/comment:

“I know, right?”  Or “Yeah I know.  Right?”

Oy.

Dag Hammarskjöld

“To be ’sociable’ – to talk merely because convention forbids silence, to rub against one another in order to create the illusion of intimacy and contact: what an example of la condition humaine. Exhausting, naturally, like any improper use of our spiritual resources. In miniature, one of the many ways in which mankind successfully acts as its own scourge–in the hell of spiritual death.”

- Dag Hammarskjöld; translated from Swedish by Leif Sjöberg & W.H. Auden.

Likewise, he also wrote poetry; or possibly merely arranged his thoughts through a rhythmic symbolism:

Too tired for company,
You seek a solitude
You are too tired to fill.

Seems to me that these both can (at times)  fit autism pretty well.

A few more that I like, from the book “Markings,” that I found on a free books giveaway table here at school a few weeks ago:

“To say Yes is never more difficult that when circumstances prevent you from rushing to the defense of someone whose purity of heart makes him defenseless before an attack.”

or

“Your position never gives you the right to command.   It only imposes on you the duty of so living your life that others can receive your orders without being humiliated.”

I think that the spirit of this last quote should be drilled into the minds of all prospective and current teachers–K-12 AND University.

Freaky

Freaky object to check out on google images next time you have a chance. Just put in the words: “Asian hornet”.

OMGOMGOMG!!! *gibbers*

*eeps*

Creative Insults

One of the things that used to annoy me a great deal was the limited number of ways to insult someone using only the traditional cuss words (shit, fuck, bitch, damn etc).  In particular, there was this one boy in the 8th grade who really sent over the edge one day when he “accidentally” stepped on a packet of mustard and squirted it all over my new shoes.  I think I called him a “fucking bitch” at least seven times in a row.  Eep.

He was an ass in general.  He was the proverbial “suck-up” to the preppies; always trying to be one of them, unaware that they were constantly making fun of him behind his back.  As a result, he thought he was better than the rest of the freaks/geeks/nerds etc., and tried to show it by acting like a jerk.

That said, I should also mention that I don’t normally ever make light of someone’s problems with weight or speech impediments, but for him, I’ll make an exception.

Another person that I remember vividly (from time to time) was this girl with bright blond hair, perfect white teeth, size 2 pants (at the most), who also happened to have gobs of money that she liked to draw attention to as much as possible.  In other words, she was the poster girl of the “preppie bitch” category.

So now that I’m older and slightly wiser, I have decided to make up yet another A-Z list detailing the best insults I can think up, paired alphabetically with various animals, and said animal’s characteristics/traits.  Heh.  You’ll see what I mean soon, I think.  I discovered that comparing a human’s personality with the normal behavior of–say–a dog, is not normally conducive to civil conversations.  

A - You know, even though armadillos have a bad tendency to turn up dead on the side of highways, they’re still kind of cute the rest of the time.   You rather remind me of an armadillo, minus the latter half of the statement.

B – Bears hibernate during the cold months of the year.  Ever wonder what their breath must be like after that?  After being around you, I certainly don’t.

C – Do you suppose that you were a cat in a previous life?  Like cats, you have a cute exterior, and you also seem to get great pleasure out of sticking your claws into hapless victims . . . like me.

D – You know what the difference is between you and a dog?  Dogs cool off by wagging their tongues out.  You, on the other hand, just seem to find it cool to wag your tongue .  Trust me, it’s not.

E – I know you find yourself to be magnificent and handsome like the great eagle, but I must admit that your presence reminds me more of the dead fish caught inside of said eagle’s mouth.

F – The only difference between your manic bitching and a finch’s endless twittering is that your voice is pitched lower . . . slightly.

G – You and your friends remind me a bit of geese; not only do you move in a preset formation, but you also find it of great import to constantly honk in my general direction.

H – Like the Hungarian Horntail, I sincerely believe that you’ll be an important facet of someone’s book someday.  However, that means that at present, your fame is only as big as your own head.

***Side note:  I just realized that these all kind of sound like Professor Snape from the Harry Potter series.***

I -You have the world view of an inchworm.  And no, that’s not a compliment.

J – You’re like a jellyfish–cool to look at, painful to interact with.

K – Your feet are as big as a kangaroo’s, but unlike you, the kangaroo knows how to put theirs to good use.

L – Your hairstyle rather reminds me of a lion:  wild and scary.

M – You know, monkeys screech and throw shit at one another too; perhaps you’d be happier if you went home.

N – Is it possible you were a nightingale in a previous life?  Not only do you sing like them, but you also shit on everyone too.

O – An octopus has suction pads on the underside of its tentacles.  You, on the other hand (so to speak), just suck.

P – At least when a pig dies, it usually does so for a useful reason.  I doubt you’ll be able to say the same at the end of your life.

Q – Unlike you, the quail actually is a distinctive looking creature.

R – When in danger, a rabbit will either freeze or make a run for it.  You, on the other hand, just keep talking.

S – Snakes can be made to regurgitate their prey nearly whole.  In contrast, you just regurgitate other people’s ideas whole.

T – Having conversations with you is  like talking to a turtle inside its shell:  pointless.

U – I think in the next life you’ll be an umbrella bird; that way, your overinflated ego will have somewhere to go.

V – Your study habits remind me strongly of the eating habits of vultures.  You wait for others to do the work and then you scavenge from the leftovers.

W - The difference between you and whales is that those creatures occasionally come up for air.

X - Your motives are as flimsy as an x-ray fish.

Y – You remind me of a yellowjacket wasp:  Not only do you freak the hell out of me, but I also can’t tell if there’s actually a reason for your existence.

Z – If you take the stripes away from a zebra, they’re just a horse.  So does that mean that if we take away your mouth, you’ll just be a regular ass?

I’d Like To Think

I’d like to think that I’m the type of student that the teachers don’t forget, just because I stand out in a particularly unique way–as opposed to being just particularly annoying.

It’s 3:25 in the morning, and I’ve been awake with insomnia for 2 and a half hours.  I discovered something particularly droll about my smoke detector though, in the course of the that time, in regards to its blinking.  You see, every 32nd pulse of light is longer than the other preceding 31 pulses.  All this year I just thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me, but this time I decided to count and see what was really up with it.

And there’s your answer.

Woo.

I’m writing  an HP fanfic.  Have I mentioned that before?  I think I have.  Anyways, still going, and I’m nearly to 133K.  Meanwhile, the plot bunnies have started attacking me in my sleep (what sleep?), and I’m seriously considering starting another story to write simultaneously as the nearly 133K one.  After all, when I’m reading books, I tend to keep more than one going at a time.

You all might be interested in knowing that I plan on giving my next Harry a disability.

Anyone know anything about leg braces?

ABC’s of Favorite Books

I want to see if I can do this.  The idea came to me just now at 3:13 am, waking me up from a much deserved rest.  I’ll go ahead and say that titles that start with “The” will not count as T’s.  Feel free to borrow this, but at least mention that you are stealing it from ME.  lol  BTW, I suggest starting with the ones you best know and then getting the other ones later.  Luckily and ironically, since I’m a geek, the odd letters (i.e. – Q, X) were often easier to fill than the regular ones (i.e. D, R).

• A Wizard Alone (Diane Duane)
  
• Batman Murders, The (Craig Shaw Gardner)
  
• Crazy Horse Electric Game, The (Chris Crutcher)
  
• Dark Half, The (Stephen King)
  
• Ear, The Eye, and The Arm, The (Nancy Farmer)
  
• Fires of Coventry, The (Rick Shelley)
  
• Giver, The (Lois Lowry)
  
• Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
  
• Ironman (Chris Crutcher)
  
• Joker:  The Devil’s Advocate (Chuck Dixon)
  
• K
• Leaping to the Stars (David Gerrold)
  
• Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The (E.L. Konigsburg)
  
• Night of the Twisters (Ivy Ruckman)
  
• Orbital Resonance (John Barnes)
  
• Power of One, The (Bryce Courtenay)
  
• Q-Squared (Peter David)
  
• R
• Starship Troopers (Robert E. Heinlein)
  
• That Was Then, This Is Now (S.E. Hinton)
• U
• Voyage of the Dawn Treader (C.S. Lewis)
  
• Whale Talk (Chris Crutcher)
  
• X-Files:  Ground Zero (Kevin J. Anderson)
  
• You Don’t Know Me (David Klass)
  
• Z

And yeah, as you can see, I can’t think of titles that start with K, R, U or Z.  Hmm.  Suggestions?